Motherhood can be a whirlwind of emotions. From the moment you found out you were pregnant, to the day your baby is born, and all throughout their childhood – working or not working. You’ll probably experience feeling elated, anxious, stressed, blessed, and everything in between. 

Working mothers often experience ‘mummy guilt’

Feeling emotions of guilt is perfectly normal. In fact, it's something that most working mothers feel at some point or another.

It can be a juggle trying to balance the demands of work with those of home and family life. Juggling everything can occasionally feel like an impossible task at times, and it’s easy to feel guilty about not being able to do it all. However, it's important to remember that you are not alone in feeling this way.

So why do working mothers feel mummy guilt?

There are many reasons why working mothers might experience mother guilt. Maybe you feel like you're not spending as much time with your children as you’d like, or that carrying the mental load of your household is a lot. Perhaps you're worried about the impact your work is having on your family life, or you feel guilty about leaving your children in childcare.

Overcoming working mum guilt

There are a number of things you can put in place to help relieve the mum guilt:

1. Acknowledge your feelings: The first step is to recognise what you are feeling. Once you have acknowledged your guilt, you can start to deal with it.

2. Talk to someone: Talking to someone about how you're feeling can be a really helpful way of dealing with your feelings. You might want to talk to your partner, a friend, or a therapist.

3. Be realistic: It's important to be realistic about what you can and can't do. You can't be everything to everyone, and you shouldn't try to be.

4. Set boundaries: One of the best ways to deal with working mother guilt is to set boundaries. This means learning to say no to things that you don't have time for, and setting aside time for yourself. By saying no you won't be in a situation where you're stretched too thin, and by setting aside time for yourself you can recharge and be a better working mother.

5. Make time for your family: One of the best ways to combat working mother guilt is to make time for your family. This doesn't mean that you have to spend every waking minute with them, but it does mean carving out some quality time to spend together.

6. Find a support network: There are many working mothers out there who understand how you're feeling. Finding a support network of other working mothers can be a great way to share your experiences and feel less alone. Join working mum clubs, listen to podcasts,  or connect with other working mothers online. 

7. Seek professional help: If you're finding it difficult to cope with your working mother's guilt, you might want to seek professional help. This could involve talking to a therapist or counselor about how you're feeling.

8. Stay present: try and timebox tasks and have dedicated time for work and family. When you are working, focus on working, and when you're with your family, focus on them and put down the phone. Obviously there will be moments where your toddler joins in video conference calls.

9. Don't compare yourself to others: It's important to remember that everyone is different and that there is no perfect way to be a working mother. So don't compare yourself to other working mothers, or try to live up to some unrealistic ideal, especially the curated feeds that can be found on social media.

Working mum guilt and mental health

It is important to look after your general health. Eating right and exercising regularly is a game changer when it comes to working mothers managing their mummy guilt and overall mental health. Studies have proven that exercise boosts endorphins (the happy hormone) and working out gives you time for yourself which can be hard to find as a working mother.

See if you can take some time out for yourself every now and then. If possible get a babysitter and have a night out with your partner or friends. Or, spend a day doing something you enjoy while your little one is at childcare without worrying about work or family obligations.

If you are in need of help please don’t hesitate to reach out to your GP or trusted healthcare professional.

How to explain mum guilt to your partner, friends or family

You might have tried to speak to your partner, friends or family about how you're feeling, but they just don't seem to understand. Why can’t they understand your feelings of guilt?

It could be that they don't understand because they've never experienced it themselves. Alternatively, they might not be used to talking about emotions or they might be struggling to cope with their own guilt

Here are some tips for explaining mom guilt to your Co:

1. Try to find the right time to talk: It's important to choose a time when you're both relaxed and have some time to talk. If you're both stressed and rushed off your feet, it's not going to be an effective conversation.

2. Keep it simple: Don't try to overload your Co with information or overwhelm them with your emotions. Try to explain how you're feeling in a simple and concise way.

3. Be honest: It's important to be honest about how you're feeling. Tell your significant other about the things that are making you feel guilty and why.

4. Avoid blame: It's important to avoid blaming those around you for how you're feeling. This will only make the conversation more difficult and could make your Co feel defensive.

5. Listen to their point of view: It's also important to listen to their point of view. They might have some valid points that you hadn't considered.

6. Try to find a solution together: Once you've both had a chance to air your views, it's time to try to find a solution together. This might involve making some changes to your working arrangements or finding ways to reduce your guilt.

I’m not loving being a working mum! What can I do?

Try to manage your working hours in a way that you can still spend quality time with your family. This might mean working from home some days, or adjusting your working hours. Be open and honest with your team and see if you can arrange some flexibility.

This is a new era of small business opportunities working from home around your family's needs.

It is also important to set aside some time each day for yourself. This might be a chance to read, exercise or just relax. It's important to have some time that is just for you and isn't focused on work or family obligations. We all know the oxygen mask analogy, you need to attend to yourself first before helping others.

This one could be a big change but if you’re not already a business owner, you may consider starting an online business from home. 

If you are looking for a community to support you in this journey, check out Mums & Co network. We are a supportive and inclusive community of working mothers dedicated to helping each other succeed.